Johnny and Dora's Fantastic Weekend Getaway
by crystal-gem-jessie
Summary: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago must go undercover as a newly-wed couple in order to take down the most notorious Identity thieves in all of New York! Will the charade push them to realize their very real feelings for each other? Read to find out! [COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1: Peralta - The Assignment

**Johnny and Dora's Fantastic Weekend Getaway**

 **AN:** So this fic is kind of my headcanon/prediction for the season two finale. It'll be interesting to how far off I am. I'm taking into account everything we know about the finale, so hopefully I get a couple things right haha. I'm thinking it's going to be about 6-8 short chapters. I'll try and bust them out quickly!

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Peralta**

Jake Peralta sat at his desk and looked over his most current open case file. It was an armed robbery, but the fiends only seemed to rob pet stores. And what did they take, you ask? Cats. No money, just cats. Jake's face lit up.

"Whhhhaaaaaaaaaat" Jake exclaimed, still not believing the hall-of-fame-worthy case that graced his desk.

"What? What is it?" asked a voice from across his desk. The voice belonged to Amy Santiago. Jake could tell by the tone of her voice she was annoyed, probably because she was knee deep in her own work and didn't appreciate being disturbed.

"Santiago, you have to look at this case" Jake said, beaming and handing her the case file. She opened the file and began reading it.

"So a buncha weirdos are going around stealing cats, what's so great about that?" She asked, handing the case file back to him.

"No, Santiago, think about it. They're stealing cats, they're-"

" _Cat Burglars_ " they said together in unison, both laughing at the realization. Their joke was cut short as Captain Holt stepped out of his office.

"Detectives, the briefing room, please" Captain Holt said, causing all seven detectives to immediately stop what they were doing and join him. Jake and Amy sat next to each other at the middle desk closest to the door. The others sat themselves quickly, Terry being the last to get inside.

"Close the door, please," the Captain asked, "the blinds as well". Terry obliged.

"What's up, Captain?" Terry asked as he finished closing the last blind. Holt sighed, took off his classes and pinned a picture of a man and woman on the board.

"Detectives, it seems we have another undercover assignment on our hands. Only the eight of us are to be informed of this case and everything said in this room is to stay in this room. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir" they all replied in unison. Jake, though partially excited for another undercover assignment, was weary of another job that could possibly take him away for six months.

"This," Holt gestured to the man's picture, "is Stanley Tufton and his wife," he motioned to the picture of the woman, "is Priscilla Tufton. Together they are New York's most successful identity thieves. They have performed an estimated 200 heists, stolen upwards of ten million dollars, and have proven to be nearly impossible to catch. The Tuftons work together as a team to prey on unsuspecting wealthy couples and steal their information, normally at expensive couples' getaways. We received an anonymous tip suggesting that they will both be attending an Ellis Island Couples Cruise this weekend. The assignment is simple. Surveillance cameras are currently being installed all throughout the common areas of the ship. Sergeant Jeffords, Detective Hitchcock, Detective Scully, and I will be handling surveillance in one of the rooms"

Jake swallowed and crossed his arms. He quickly deduced that if this was an undercover operation involving a couples' getaway, two of them would have to play the couple. Eliminating the four in surveillance, very few couple combinations remained. Jake highly doubted that the Captain would assign Charles as one half of the couple. Nothing against him, but Jake had a lot more experience doing undercover work and Charles being the husband of either Rosa Diaz or Amy Santiago wasn't exactly realistic. Honestly, there were only two plausible options. Either Jake's future faux wife would be Rosa or it would be Amy. Jake's heart rose up to his throat. He doubted it would be Rosa. She wouldn't be able to pull off being an affectionate partner, a trait this job needed. That left Amy.

"Detectives Diaz and Boyle, you will go undercover as waiters, ready to intervene at any moment" Holt continued. Jake tightened his fist. He knew what was coming. It seemed like Amy had as well. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably next to Jake.

"And finally, Detectives Peralta and Santiago, you will be going undercover as a newlywed couple. Your job will to befriend the Tuftons, convince them you are considerably wealthy, and give them the opportunity to steal the false identities given to you" and there it was, exactly what Jake had feared. He was going to have to "pretend" to be in love with Amy Santiago and she was going to have to do the same. A part of him was ecstatic and jumping off the walls. Maybe this was the perfect thing to cut the tension between them. Maybe this was the window that they kept missing. These were nice thoughts, but Jake knew better. He knew that by the end of this assignment he'd just end up liking her more and that she'd still stick to her "no cops" rule.

Jake could feel the rest of the team's eyes on him, could almost feel Charles and Rosa smirking, and he definitely felt Amy sitting up straight and putting on a brave face. He wasn't sure what his face was doing. He thought maybe it was just gaping at the Captain.

"More details will be revealed within the coming days, in the meantime, please review the case file and get as familiar with it as possible. Dismissed" Captain Holt concluded. They all started shuffling out when the Captain stopped them one last time, "Except Peralta and Santiago, I'd like a word with you"

The rest quickly left the room, leaving only the three of them.

"I want you to both know that I know that this will not be an easy assignment for either of you. I chose you to do this role because you are the best detectives I have and you happen," he paused to look them both dead in the eye before continuing, "to work great as a team. I expect to see your exemplary teamwork on this assignment as well, detectives". Captain Holt left the room and went back to his office, leaving the pair alone. Jake decided the best thing to do in this situation was to act like it was one big joke he found endlessly amusing. The further away he could get from his actual feelings, the better. He quickly wrapped his arm around Amy's neck.

"Well, well, well, Amy Santiago it looks like today, all your girlhood fantasies have come true! Never thought you'd bag such a manly stud as myself, did you?" he asked, in the most jovial voice he could muster. Amy rolled her eyes, still in his grip.

"More like girlhood nightmare. The assignment isn't until this weekend, so don't get too handsy"

"'Don't Get Too Handsy'" title of your sex tape!" Jake spurted as he released Amy. Amy sneered at him and left the briefing room. When she left, he took his grin with her. Jake sat on the corner of one of the desks and sighed. This was going to be as hard as he anticipated.

* * *

 **AN:** Alright! So concludes chapter 1. *Sigh* I was _hoping_ to make this a little bit more comedic to fit in with the tone of the show, but I feel like I only know how to write angst. Aaah, oh well. Hope you enjoyed anyway. I read all reviews and cherish feedback deeply. Thanks friends!


	2. Chapter 2: Santiago - The Boat

**Chapter 2: Santiago – The Boat**

Amy was in the bathroom, buttoning up the patterned blouse given to her by the FBI agents running the operation. She took a deep inhale and let it out. The weekend had come too quickly. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this. Sure, she was super excited for her first undercover assignment and she knew if they pulled this off it would be a huge deal, but the ensuing closeness with Jake made her nervous. She wasn't nervous about Jake doing anything inappropriate, Amy had always been really impressed with the way he handled their relationship. He always was very respectful in that regard. No, she was worried about herself, worried that the feelings she kept a tight lid on would spill out and leave them in mess that neither would be able to pick up.

She thought about getting dinner with Jake, calling him "honey", and holding hands with him. Her chest tightened. The reaction didn't surprise her. She expected that this entire ordeal would make her chest hurt. She took another deep breath and checked her make-up in the bathroom mirror. She had just finished applying her pink lip gloss when she heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Come in!" she called. Rosa Diaz opened the door and Amy noted that she was already dressed for her cover. Her hair was tied back in a flattering pony-tail and she was dressed in a white dress shirt, black vest, and black slacks.

"Hey. Holt wants to talk to us. Hurry up" she said. Amy threw on her black leather jacket and followed her colleague into the large hotel-style bedroom that was filled with FBI agents and the rest of their team. Computers were stacked upon one another showing different angles of the ship's hallways, restaurants, and bars. The room was filled with the buzz of an upcoming delicate operation. Amy loved this feeling, the way that everyone became so focused and alert in order to catch the bad guy. It was one of her favorite parts of the job, the comradery. Captain Holt was in the corner wearing his NYPD vest and looking as stoic as ever, and in front of him, was her partner, Jake Peralta. He was wearing his usual checkered shirt and a jacket that was a couple sizes too big. Charles and Rosa, both wearing the same outfit, stood next to Amy as they approached the Captain.

"Alright, Detectives, I'd like to give you one last briefing before we set you out. Diaz, Boyle, remember to keep interactions with guests to a minimum. We want you to be available at all times in case the situation gets dangerous for Peralta and Santiago. You are the eyes of this investigation. Grab the occasional drink if you must, but stick to jobs that will allow you to jump in at a moment's notice. Have you both been wired?" the Captain asked.

"Wired to kick some ass!" Charles said a little too enthusiastically. Jake grinned as Captain Holt looked on disapprovingly. Rosa pushed Charles in the direction of Agent Harrison, the mic specialist.

"Let's go" she said curtly as they both left, Charles rubbing the arm Rosa pushed. Amy put her attention back on Holt. She knew he was saving the most important information for them. Her chest swelled with pride. Despite all the Jake stuff, it was an honor to be here.

"Captain, I already know what you're going to say. We," Jake gestured to himself and Amy, "are Johnny and Dora Liongate, a newly-wed couple with a dark past. I'm a straight accountant by day, crooked loan shark by night. Dora is a kindergarten teacher with a sadistic side. She relentlessly punishes all my clients that don't pay me back what's ours"

"Your names are Johnny and Dora Goldberg, and you're successful real estate agents" Holt said, immediately shutting down Jake's back story.

"Goldberg? Really? That's racist" Jake said, annoyed.

"Your targets are Stanley and Priscilla Tufton, be aware they may use aliases to hide their identities. Your assignment is to take these wallets," he handed both of them full wallets which they both put away, Jake's in his coat jacket, and Amy in her purse, "with false information and allow the Tuftons to steal your fake identities. Befriend them, make them believe you trust them, and as soon as we have damning evidence against them, we'll pull you out. Be aware that they have both been known to be armed and dangerous. Take proper precautions."

"'Take Proper Precautions'" name of Santiago's sex tape!" Jake blurted. Holt stared. Amy slapped his arm.

"I'll ask you to take this more seriously, Detective"

"Yes, sir"

"Inside your wallets are your room keys. The cruise will leave at tonight at 1800 hours and will port back here tomorrow at 1600 hours. You will be sharing room 203 as to not arouse suspicion"

"Suspicion's not the only thing that won't be aroused" Amy said under her breath.

"Ooooh ouch! Low blow Santiago. Oh! 'Low blow Santiago' name of your sex tape! YES!" Jake said. Amy groaned and rolled her eyes.

"That was like, the best one, come on"

Amy could feel Captain Holt growing more impatient.

"Are you both finished?" the Captain asked. Amy could feel Jake hold back another joke.

"Yes, sir" Amy said, guilty she had stooped to Jake's level.

"Alright, do either of you have any questions?"

"No"

"Nope"

"Good. Detectives, there's a lot of pressure from the bureau for this to go well. Please make sure you do your best not to act like children" Holt said as he left towards the wall of computer screens on the other side of the room. Jake put his hands on his hips and looked at Amy.

"Well, how 'bout it Santiago? You ready for this?" he asked.

"Oh, I was _born_ ready for this"

"You were born ready to be my wife, Santiago? That is so sweet, I always knew you were a romantic underneath all the anxiety to be the best in every situation" Jake said, grinning. Amy felt her face contort into another sneer.

"NO, I'm ready for the mission!"

"The mission to be my wife? So you were born ready to be my wife?" Jake asked, driving Amy crazier and crazier.

"You're awfully excited about all of this. This assignment fulfilling a fantasy of yours, Peralta?" Amy immediately regretted asking this. It was very brief, but she saw Jake's face fall slightly. The light in his eyes left for just a second and her heart hammered against her chest. He was about to reply, but was interrupted.

"Peralta, Santiago," said the Captain's voice across the room. He approached them once again. "We're ready for you to begin, are you both ready?"

" _Born_ ready, sir" Jake said. Amy rolled her eyes.

* * *

Jake and Amy walked down the hallway towards the main hall where all the other couples would be congregating. Amy studied an itinerary she found in the room.

"Wine tasting starts at 6:30. Maybe we can join their table and introduce ourselves that way" she said.

"Yeah, sounds good" Jake replied. Amy was surprised. She expected him to tear down the idea and suggest his own.

"Oh, great" she said. Amy worried that her comment about his fantasies may have been a little harsh. They walked the rest of the way in silence until they came to the entrance of the immaculate main hall. Both of them stared at the grandeur: beautiful glazed-cherry wood surfaces, plush woven carpets with intricate designs, and a giant chandelier above them all. Amy thought it was very romantic.

" _I wish I wasn't here for work_ " she thought. Was this really going to be okay? Her chest tightened again. She thought of Jake confessing to her again and her turning him down again. She saw him never talking to her again and moving on to a different precinct, getting a girlfriend, forgetting about her. The tightening in her chest doubled. She glanced over at him and found him turning to look at her as well. He smiled with his expression full of kindness.

"Ready, Mrs. Goldberg?" Jake asked, offering his hand for her to hold. She took another deep breath in and interlaced his fingers with hers, her chest suddenly relaxing.

"Ready"


	3. Chapter 3: Peralta - The DiMagios

**Chapter 3: Peralta – The DiMagios**

Jake and Amy walked up to the check-in desk, hands intertwined. Jake felt his pulse quicken. This was bad. He shouldn't be getting worked up over something so trivial. He tried to reason with himself.

" _Holding hands with someone is nice, just let it be nice. It doesn't need to mean anything, it can just be nice_ " he thought, as Amy's thumb lightly stroked the outside of his hand. Of course, this had undone all his work. He was sure his pulse had doubled with that one involuntary movement. He couldn't stop being so aware of her. He was acutely aware of how soft her hands were, how pretty her hair looked, and how nice she smelled. This was bad, bad, bad. Blissfully, the clerk at the desk saved him from his thoughts.

"Hi, how can I help you this evening?" the clerk asked.

"Hey, how are ya? We're checking in for the Goldbergs" Jake said. The clerk nodded and typed away at his computer until he found their reservation.

"For Johnny and Dora?"

"That's us, isn't that right, honey?" Jake asked smiling at Amy. Amy put on an uncomfortable smile.

"Thaaaat's us"

"Great, well I see you've already been issued your key cards. Your reservation for dinner will be at 7:30" the clerk said as he slid a reservation card to Jake. Jake took it and put it in his pocket. Amy let go of his hand and came up to the desk, Jake's hand suddenly feeling cold.

"I actually just had a question for you. Have the Tuftons checked-in yet?" Amy asked.

"Let me check" the clerk answered, typing away at his computer, "Hmm. I don't seem to have them in the system…"

"Oh, that's okay. Thanks for checking," Amy said as she grabbed Jake's hand again, heading into a deserted corner of the main hall, "looks like they are using aliases. How are we going to find them? We don't have much time to pull this off"

Jake wracked his brains for the next logical step when he saw Charles holding a tray of deviled eggs, staring them both down. Amy noticed as well. Once Charles started coughing (with no concern for discretion), they made their way over to him.

"Deviled eggs! Noice" Jake said as he took one and ate it whole.

"What is it, Boyle?" Amy said, looking over both shoulders. Charles was doing his best to be the "cool-butler-spy", but it was just coming off as suspicious. He looked left and right, dead-faced.

"The Tuftons are here, I overheard them saying they would attend wine tasting at 1830 hours, over" Charles said, his voice flat.

"Boyle, we're not on radio, you don't need to say 'over'" Amy said.

"10-4, over" said Charles with a curt nod. Amy stared at him, while Jake smiled and shook his head.

"Come on, it's 6:15 now, we better hurry," Jake took the itinerary from Amy and looked on the back with the map, "Looks like it's being held on the south deck. Sir, thank you for the deviled eggs" Jake said as he gave Charles a half bow and pulled Amy towards the south end of the ship. Jake released her hand and studied the map as he walked.

"It doesn't look too far from here, follow me" Jake said, his brain now completely focused on the case. As they power-walked down corridors and hallways, Jake noticed Amy seemed nervous. She was constantly looking over her shoulder and was pursing her lips. He looked at his watch: it was 6:22. Yeah, he had time for a little pep talk. He stopped in his tracks.

"Hey, _dear_ , I couldn't help but notice that you seem a little on edge" he said.

"What? What are you talking about, I'm great, _dear_ " she snapped back.

"Okay, well then maybe stop acting like a Shaggy from Scooby-Doo trapped in a haunted house. I keep waiting for you to jump in my arms and go 'zoinks!'" Jake said, doing his best Shaggy impression.

"We don't have time for this" she said, about to barrel on ahead before Jake grabbed her hand.

"No, look, what I'm trying to say is that I know it's scary to go undercover for the first time. You have a tendency to work yourself up. Just trust yourself and relax. We're just a couple of friends about to hang out with some people. Not a big deal" Jake said, doing his best to sound sincere. He figured it might have worked because her expression softened.

"I'll be fine" a considerable less amount of bite in her voice. Jake smiled.

"Rahright Raggy, ret's ro!" Jake said, with a fairly impressive impression of Scooby-Doo, his hand still locked with Amy's.

* * *

They had two minutes to spare when they finally reached the café hosting the wine tasting event on the south deck. It was a very elegant display. There were lots of four person tables with white table cloths, red candles, and fairy lights hanging all over the rafters making for very romantic lighting. Jake scanned the area for the Tuftons, hoping they hadn't already started schmoozing another wealthy couple.

"They're over there" Amy whispered to him, gesturing to a corner table that was occupied by a couple Jake immediately recognized as the Tuftons. He smirked. They were alone.

"Let's go" he said.

"Whoa, wait, _Johnny_ make sure you don't drink too much wine"

"What are you? My actual wife?" he asked. Amy glared at him.

"I mean, we don't want anything to could cloud our judgement"

"Ugh, you are such a worry wart, now come on _darling_ , let's find a place to sit" he said, offering his arm to her, which she promptly took. They walked around the café, doing their best to act like they didn't know exactly where they were going to sit until finally approaching the Tuftons table.

"Hey, how you guy's doin'? Mind if we sit with you?" Jake asked easily.

"Sure, sure. Take a seat." said Stanley. He was a large, gruff man with thick hair on his hands, but a receding hairline. His voice was husky with his thick Brooklyn accent. Jake and Amy quickly sat themselves.

"Name's Sal DiMagio, this is my old lady, Lucia" he said while wrapping his arm around his wife. She was a tall woman, but still considerably smaller than her giant husband. Her face had a thick coat of make-up and was complimented by her red up-do: a mass of curler-made rolls. Jake and Amy smiled and shook their hands.

"I'm Johnny Goldberg, and this _flower_ is my beautiful blushing bride, Dora" Jake said, beaming at Amy. Amy laughed an ear-splitting laugh that made her sound like a witch with a head-cold.

"Oh, _honey-buns_ , stop it! You're embarrassing me!" She said with her smile all saccharine and her eyes all murder. Jake took it as a cue to cool it.

"Well, what brings you lovely folks here?" Jake asked, quickly changing the subject. The DiMagios looked into each other's eyes and Jake saw a glint in both pairs. A smile graced Lucia's lips.

"We're celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary" she said, prompting immediate coos of congratulations from Jake and Amy.

"Wow, that's incredible. Congrats!" Amy said.

"Thank you, dear. Now, how about you two, how long have you been together?" Sal asked.

"Oh, we've been going out for about three years now, but we got married in April" Amy said, making sure to flash the gigantic, yet convincing cubic zirconia on her ring finger. The conversation was put on pause as a waiter came by to serve them the first wine. Jake saw Rosa in the corner of his eye, serving wine to one unfortunate couple who seemed to have a complaint. Rosa looked to be putting them in their place.

"Ah, a spring weddin'," Sal mused, "How'd ya meet?"

"On the job, actually. We're both Real Estate agents and we worked for the same firm, I joined about six years ago. Johnny had already been working there when I came in" Amy went on. Jake briefly noted that Amy had joined the precinct six years ago, a couple years after he did. It was a smart, undercover tactic. You tweak the truth a little to make your story even more believable.

"Six years? What were ya doing during the first three?" Sal asked. Jake decided to take the reins on this one.

"Well, Dora might not look like it, but she's a real Competitive Courtney. She's always trying to prove what a great agent she is and she didn't have time for ol' love-sick Johnny. She was too busy trying to beat my numbers" Jake said, truth ringing in his lie.

"Now, that is not fair! Think about it from my perspective, I was brand new and everyone was talking about how great this guy was at…selling real estate," she stuttered, "so naturally, I didn't just want to be in this guy's shadow. I had work to do. Plus," Amy's voice grew soft, "I might have been a little intimidated by how attracted I was to him" she finished and took a swig of her red wine.

Jake stared at her, transfixed. So much of what she said had wrung true, especially the "How great he was at 'selling real estate'" part. Could the last part be true too? He snapped himself out of his daydream and smiled at the DiMagio's, affectionately gripping Amy's hand.

"Well, I had been planning our first date since the moment I met her" Jake said, spilling some of his own truth.

"And how could you not with such a beautiful girl in front of ya?" Sal asked, toasting his wine glass towards Amy.

"Very true, Sal, very true" Jake said, giving Amy's hand a little shake.

"How'd you finally get together?" Lucia asked.

"Oh, you know, over the years we just kept missing each other. I dated other people while he was single and he was dating other people while I was single. Then, eventually, we just got the timing right, he asked me out and here we are" Amy said, her hands telling the story as much as her words.

"Yup, we finally got it through our thick skulls" Jake said, his heart dropping to his stomach. He wasn't sure he liked this story time. He tried to change the subject.

"It was also a great business decision because once we stopped competing and started actually working together, well let's just say we sold a _lot_ more real estate" he continued, hoping they would take the bait.

"I'd imagine so, your wife's got a pretty impressive rock on her finger" Sal said, chuckling.

"A testament to what you can do with teamwork" Amy piped in. Jake noticed her cheeks had become decidedly rosier.

"Hey, when's your dinner reservation?" Lucia asked.

"I believe ours is…" Jake fished in his pockets for the reservation slip, "7:30. What time is yours?"

"Aww ours is at 8:30. Well, hey how about after you guys come meet us at The Seagull bar at around 10?"

"Oh, yeah that sounds great!" Amy said. Jake could hear the real excitement in Amy's voice. This was going very, very well.

"You better head over to the restaurant. You only have ten minutes to get over there and I hear they're sticklers about the time commitment" Sal advised.

"Get the lobster! Everyone tells me the lobster is to die for" Lucia said, her eyes lighting up.

"We will take your word for it. Alright, it was great meeting you guys and we'll see you at 10" Jake said, standing up. Amy waved them goodbye and Jake laced his fingers with hers as they headed back towards the main hall.

Once they reached the first empty hallway on their path, they released their hands. Jake balled his hand in a fist to counteract the tingling sensation that covered it. He looked over at Amy who was grinning ear from ear.

"It's going so great! We've got them in the palm of our hands. Were you impressed by how great I was? I totally got him to notice my ring," She beamed, "You weren't half-bad yourself. You know, that line about us selling more once we became a team? Not bad. Not bad at all"

"Ah-thank you" Jake said, bowing as if he was in a curtain call. Amy laughed and Jake smiled at her. For a moment, their eyes locked on each other's, Jake didn't know what it was that made him stop and stare, but it was happening. Amy's smile faded, but she quickly put it back and broke eye contact with him.

"Yeah, great work, Johnny, uh, we're gonna be late for dinner and I'm starving. We should hurry" she said, quickening her pace so she was slightly ahead of him, her face out of view. Jake followed her and let his smile disappear. The familiar pain he associated with Amy reeled its pretty head and attacked him violently. There was only thing worse than the pain and that was the knowledge that a small part of him liked it. He liked it so much that he wished this weekend would never end, but was crushed by the realization that it eventually would.


	4. Chapter 4: Santiago - Dinner and a Show

**Chapter 4: Santiago – Dinner and a Show**

Amy sat down at the elegantly made table, her cheeks still red from the awkward stare-down that occurred moments ago. Why did this have to be _so_ hard? And why did she seem to feel the need to make it even _harder_?

" _WHY?! Why did I have to say something as stupid as 'I was intimidated by how attracted I was to him'? Blegh! Who says that? Stupid people, Amy. Stupid people_ " she thought, getting a strong impression that Jake knew her cover story was more fact than fiction. She had a sneaking suspicion that this was the case for Jake as well. She remembered what he said:

" _Well, I had been planning our first date since the moment I met her_ "

Amy's chest tensed again. The tone of his voice and the way he looked her in the eyes for just a second before breaking away immediately had Amy believing him. Amy remembered the sensation of his hand gripping hers when he said it. It made her head feel foggy, like a tear-gas canister went off inside her body. It was all very confusing and painful. It made it hard for her to look Jake in the eye. She buried her nose in a menu.

The silence between them seemed to last for hours until the waiter mercifully made her first appearance. She dropped off a plate of oysters and a bus boy behind her poured them each a glass of chilled champagne, leaving the bottle in an ice bucket next to the table.

"Any other drinks I can get for you?" the waitress asked.

"Could we just get water for the table?" Amy asked.

"Sure, be right back with that"

"Thank you" Amy said as the waitress hurried to get them water.

"Eugh! Oysters? How does anybody eat these things? They look like little alien fetuses in the womb" Jake said, taking off his jacket and throwing a stink face at the oysters.

"Ew"

"Did you decide what you're going to get?" Jake asked.

"Hmm, I was thinking either the filet mignon or the roasted duck, you?"

"I'm def going for the lobster. Wouldn't want Lucia to think I snubbed her recommendation"

"We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

"Nope"

An awkward silence enveloped them. The air was tense with all the words left unsaid between them. Amy felt like her chest would explode if they didn't start speaking normally soon. She took off her jacket, hoping to feel less stuffy. It didn't work. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey Jake, did you really-" the words fell out of her mouth without permission. She stopped herself as soon she was able. What was she doing? What was the end of the sentence? Was it "did you really like me all the way back then?" That was the last thing she wanted to talk about! Was she insane? She even said his real name. How stupid could she be?

"I'm sorry, never mind" she said, hastily and hoping he'd overlook it.

"'Did I really' what?" he asked looking at her, searching. She panicked

"Did you really think that…" she looked around for anyway to salvage the situation and found the oysters.

"Oysters were alien fetuses?"

"Uhhh, no. I just thought they _looked_ like alien fetuses and are, therefore, disgusting"

"Well, have you ever even _tried_ one?"

"No, because they look like _alien fetuses_ "

"Well, how do you know you won't like them if you haven't even tried them?" she said, quickly grabbing an oyster and holding it up to him "Here, just put it in your mouth"

"'Here, Just Put it in Your Mouth', name of your sex tape!" he said, momentarily distracted from the oyster getting closer to his mouth.

"Ha, ha, ha very funny. Now, eat it" she said, shoving the entire oyster, shell and all, in his mouth. He gagged and spit the oyster out.

"Ugghck! That was so gross, aauuugh it was in my mouth. I had it in my mouth" He said, reaching for his champagne.

"'I had it in my mouth,' name of _your_ sex tape, HA!" Amy said, pointing at him. Jake glowered at her.

"That was a pretty good one" he said, not wanting to admit it. The waitress brought them their water and Jake drank his quickly. Amy silently congratulated herself for getting out of the blunder she made. It might not have been the most elegant of solutions, but she was fairly certain she had made him forget about it.

"So, _buttercup_ , I never knew you were so _intimidated_ by how attractive I am. I can't really say I'm surprised, I have that effect on most women" he said, leaning his folded forearms on the table. Amy mentally groaned. She thought she was out of the woods with this subject. She thought it best to just play along.

"What about you, _sweetie_? I never knew that you were _love-sick_ for me since the moment we met. It must have been so hard for you all these years" She said smiling her cheesiest smile. Jake tilted his head and looked at her. It was tender look, so tender it scared her. She wished he would stop doing this to her. Couldn't they just get through this case? Did they have to keep dancing around their feelings? She wondered if they could just have an honest heart-to-heart, maybe get back to work, and skip the turmoil. She considered the risks and decided against it. A talk could make their situation go from hard to impossible. It wasn't worth it.

The waitress, who seemed wary of them, came to the table and took their orders. Amy took a sip of her champagne, wishing she could down the whole thing.

"It was hard" Jake said.

"What?"

"It was hard. For Johnny, I mean. Waiting for you, y'know, for Dora"

"Oh, um well, it wasn't easy for her either"

"Yeah, totally. We are just KILLING this case. They might as well confess now" Jake said, putting back on his goofy demeanor.

" _You're giving me whiplash with your mood changes, you prick_ " Amy thought.

"I know, right?!" she said, trying to keep up with his pace.

"Hey, can I see the itinerary?" he asked.

"Sure" she replied and fished the paper out of her purse. She handed it to him and quickly studied it.

"There's a magic show at 8:30! It's only like forty-five minutes long. We totally have time to catch it before meeting up with the DiMagios!" Jake said, his mouth forming a huge, open-mouthed grin. Amy found her jaw-dropping as well.

"Whaaaaat?! That's awesome, let's go!"

"Okay!"

"I wonder if he'll chop a lady in half?!"

"If you want I can nominate you as an audience volunteer" Jake said, a mischievous look creeping into his eye.

"No, thank you"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to volunteer yourself? When he asks for volunteers you can just-"

"Oh my god-"

"Pull a Katniss Everdeen and yell 'I volunteer as-

"Shut up-"

"Tribute! I volunteer as tribute!' You could even braid your hair to the side for effect"

"I'm going to stuff another oyster down your throat" she said, picking up an oyster.

"No, no, no, don't do that!" Jake said cowering away from her.

"Aw c'mon, Johnny, baby! It's good for you" she said through giggles.

"Nooooooo!" Jake said as he grabbed his jacket to shield himself from her advances.

* * *

After they finished dinner (the oysters never again going near Jake) they headed to the theatre to see the magic show. Jake gestured to the poster on the wall that showed a tall man in a spectacular pose surrounded by key props for a magic show.

"'Ivan the Incredible,' huh? Look, _sweetie_ he does saw a woman in half. This could be your big chance" he said, earning a slap to his arm from Amy.

"Let's sit down, you dork" she said, pushing him towards the theatre doors.

They found seats in the middle of the audience. Jake wanted to sit right up front, but Amy wanted the back. The last thing she wanted was to be picked on by a magician. They compromised and sat in the middle. Amy made sure to pick seats right in the middle of the row. She figured the magician would be less likely to pick on them if they weren't anywhere near the aisle.

The show started promptly and "Ivan the Incredible" turned out to be a pretty good magician. Amy tried to figure out how he was doing his tricks and suspected Jake was doing the same. Her musings were confirmed when he whispered into her ear:

"There was a card up his sleeve. He was using sleight of hand"

This sparked a game between the two. They whispered back-and-forth their theories, much to the chagrin of the audience members near them.

"How do you think he does that?" Amy asked as Ivan the Incredible began producing doves out of thin air.

"They're up his sleeve?"

"Ooh, bet that jacket does _not_ smell good" she said, sending them both into a strained giggle fit they tried their best to contain. Amy squeezed his knee to try and steady her bubbling laughs. She noticed people were starting to give them annoyed side-ways glances. Jake took her hand and gave a supportive squeeze.

When Amy was finally calm she moved her hand back to the leg that was crossed over the other. She was surprised to find Jake's hand had followed and still gently cupped her hand. It was a quick motion, but Amy felt it had gone too far. She wiggled her hand away from his.

"Oh, sorry" he said easily as he moved his hand back to himself and continued to watch the show. Amy was relieved that he seemed unaffected by the incident. This was getting to be too much. He kept doing these sweet little things that made her heart…well, flutter! She thought about their night so far.

It all felt like a date and not just any date, but a date that was going well! If this were an actual date she would have let his hand stay. She would have been excited that he was being just the right amount of affectionate at just the right time.

Except this wasn't a date. This was an assignment. It was an assignment she was on with her partner and they both needed to understand that.


	5. Chapter 5: Peralta - Sky Full of Stars

**Chapter 5: Peralta – Sky Full of Stars**

Jake exited the auditorium feeling the lowest he had felt since the start of this sting. What the _hell_ was he doing? First, he gets too candid with the DiMagios about his actual feelings for Amy, then he proceeds to poke her about it when she's clearly trying to keep it professional, and _then_ what does he do? He tries to get fresh by holding her hand for no good reason!

" _When did I become this big of an idiot?_ " he asked himself. He remembered Amy pulling her hand away from him, deliberately telling him "no" with the gesture. He mentally groaned. That move was _so_ over the line. Jake tried to figure out what had gotten into him. They were just having such a good time and he got caught up in the fantasy of it all.

" _Stupid. Crazy stupid. I hate myself_ " Jake thought, promising himself he was going to keep all acts of affection to a bare minimum and for the cover _only_. He was mostly mad at himself for being disrespectful to Amy. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do and what did he do? Do it! He shook his head in disgust.

"Hey, we still have like forty minutes before we meet the DiMagios, what should we do until then?" Amy asked him. Jake breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't seem upset.

"Wanna head to the bar early?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure"

They searched for The Seagull mostly in silence and with at least two feet between them at all times. They didn't even hold hands while they were walking through crowded areas. Jake was going to make sure he never overstepped his boundaries again.

* * *

Jake was glad that they decided to leave for The Seagull right away because it was all the way on the other side of the ship. It took them twenty minutes just to get there. It was a nice enough bar, though. It was dimly lit with lots of intimate areas for couples to get nice and close. It was romantic and therefore, the last kind of environment Jake wanted to be in right now. He sighed.

"This is a nice place" Amy said, trying to get some conversation out of Jake.

"Totally" he said, trying his best to show he wasn't upset with her while still steering clear of flirty territory. They sat a table with two love seats at either side of it, sitting next to each other on one in order to avoid suspicion. They sat with a gap between their bodies and an uneasy silence surrounding them.

"That last trick was great, I still can't figure out how he caught that bullet in his teeth" Jake said, hoping to bring back some sense of normal to their relationship.

"Oh, _yeah_ , I was so impressed. Like, how the hell did he do that? The bullet had that lady's initials on it! She confirmed it was hers" Amy said, jumping at the chance to end the silence.

"I've been thinking about it the entire way over here. It's driving me insane" Jake said. The two continued to use their detective skills to try and solve the trick until Jake spotted the DiMagios outside of the bar.

"They're here" he whispered to Amy in a hushed voice, nodding in their direction. Amy smiled and waved them down.

"There ya are! Sorry we ran a little late. The missus and I need our _alone time_ , if y'know what I mean" Sal said, his wife gasping and slapping his chest playfully.

"Sal!"

"What? They get it. You get it, don't ya Johnny?" Sal asked. Jake smiled uncomfortably.

"Sure do, Sal"

"See? There, he gets it. Now, wait a second, you two don't have any drinks. We need to get some in you or you're gonna get behind" Sal said, laughing.

"Oh, well we wanted to wait for you" Amy replied politely.

"Isn't that sweet? Alright, come on Johnny. Let's get these ladies some drinks. Oh, you have cash on ya?"

"I do not"

"Ah, I forgot to tell ya. This bar only accepts cash. They got an ATM right by the bar there" Sal said, pointing to the ATM machine in question.

"Perfect" Jake said, standing up and following Sal to the bar. This was Jake's chance. He pulled out the temporary card issued to Johnny Goldberg and put it in the machine. He made sure to put in the PIN number slowly and even said the numbers under his breath, since he knew Sal was listening and watching. The case files indicated that Stanley Tufton could hear the different tones in each number of the keypad. Jake figured he had made it easy work for him.

"You got a beautiful lady over there Johnny" Sal said when Jake approached the bar after putting away his card.

"Yup. I'm the luckiest man in the world" Jake said, smiling. He watched Amy and Lucia talk. They were talking about something that must have been flustering Amy because she was blushing and her hands were more animated than normal.

The boys grabbed the drinks and brought them to the table, but before they could sit down the ladies stood up.

"Hey, whaddaya say we take a stroll on the deck? Take in the sea air?" Lucia asked.

"It is a lovely night" Amy agreed, taking her drink from Jake.

"Fine with me, but let's finish our drinks first. I don't wanna walk around with the glass in my hand" Sal said, taking a swig.

* * *

When they finished their drinks they made their way to the deck, the clear air gently blowing through their hair. Jake buttoned his jacket and took a deep inhale of sea air.

"Would ya look at that sky? Full of stars and not a cloud in sight. Beautiful" Sal mused as he offered his arm to Lucia. Jake wondered if he should mimic the gesture, but thought better of it. Jake and Amy followed the DiMagios to the starboard side of the ship to look at the ocean. After some quiet reflection, Amy began her polite small talk once more.

"So you guys have been married thirty years, huh? What's your secret?" she asked.

"You wanna know the secret? I'll show ya" Sal said as he promptly began to kiss his wife passionately and unashamedly. Jake and Amy both squirmed, neither of whom were very charmed by this public display of affection. Once they broke away from each other, Sal looked Amy in the eye.

"The secret is reckless abandon. Ya gotta keep each other on your toes, surprise 'em, do the scary stuff" he said, grinning.

"I see" Amy said, straining to stay polite.

"Now, take for example, you two. Sure, you're in love, but you're afraid to show it. Ya barely touch each other, at least in public. Now, don't get me wrong, I know you're only trying to be polite, but I got news for ya: you're on a couple's getaway. Y'know what the best part of a couple's get away is?"

"The fluffy towels?" Amy suggested.

"Shuffle board?" Jake offered.

"No, no. It's the _PDA_. When you're hanging out with your single friends ya gotta turn down the heat so you don't make 'em feel unwanted, but here you can schmooze all ya want. No one really cares 'cause they're too busy schmoozing with each other to notice"

"Oh, is that so?" Amy said, uncomfortable.

"Yeah! Now c'mon, Johnny, you can't tell me you don't want to smooch this lovely young lady every chance you get" Sal said. Jake sensed danger.

"That may be very true Sal, but we're both crippling shy. It's hard for me to even have normal human interactions let alone be intimate with my wife in public" Jake said and proceeded to laugh as if he was an alien that didn't know what human laughter sounded like. This conversation was going in a very bad direction.

"Now, I don't believe that for a sec-"

"It's true! We both are. We were pushing ourselves just asking to sit with you" Amy said, panicked.

"See, this'll cause you troubles down the road. You kids gotta loosen up a little. Johnny, Johnny are you a man?" Sal asked, suddenly getting very passionate.

"Yes, sir" Jake said, trying not to contort his face.

"Johnny, if you're a man and if you have a beautiful woman in front of ya with the sea breeze blowin' through her hair, and a sky full of stars above ya, then you better show this woman how crazy you are about her"

Jake and Amy stared in fright at Sal, both internally screaming.

"C'mon Johnny, give your woman a kiss" Sal finished with a wink. Jake's mind was on fire. If he kissed her, he'd completely destroy the pact he just made with himself, but on the other hand, he might lose a lot of points with Sal if they didn't go through with this. Jake didn't think he would let up either.

He looked to Amy who looked at him back. She looked like a deer-in-the-headlights and he was pretty sure his expression mirrored hers. Maybe if he just gave her a quick peck, he'd lay off. He tried to communicate with Amy that he was sorry through his expression, which she seemed to understand because she gave the tiniest of nods. She lifted her chin up towards him and he quickly kissed her lips, breaking away immediately. Jake and Amy both grinned back at Sal, hoping for his approval.

Approval they did not get because Sal looked more annoyed than ever. He narrowed his eyes Jake.

"Johnny. I said kiss your _woman_ , not your grandmother. I'm about to get real mad if you don't kiss this woman nice and proper. Now, one more time, you got a sky full of stars," Sal said, motioning to the sky, "and you got a beautiful woman with the breeze in her hair," he motioned to Amy. Jake looked at Sal, begging for mercy.

"Don't look at me! What ya lookin' at me for? Look at your girl" Sal said. Jake was running out of options. He followed Sal's directions and looked at her. He looked at her big, nervous brown eyes and the breeze going through her hair. What more could he do? His turned to Amy and asked her for permission with his eyes. Her eyes got wide.

Amy's eyes widened, but Jake saw a "yes" in them because she leaned forward, her eyes closing. He didn't need any more prompting.

He met her lips with a sudden fire in his chest. He kissed her slowly at first, gentle and tender, terrified of the fragility of the situation. This was soon forgotten when her hands found his chest. This sparked Jake cupping her cheek, bringing her even closer to him, their lips growing hungrier. He lowered both his arms and wrapped them around her waist, which she countered by wrapping her arms around his neck. Every unsaid word, every missed opportunity, and every silence they didn't know how to fill seemed to flow through them. Jake forgot about Sal and Lucia. Jake forgot about Johnny and Dora. Jake forgot everything except Amy, the softness of her lips, and how she was making him feel in that moment.

Then, too soon, their lips ceased and Jake felt her breath on his chin. Their eyes met and Jake couldn't discern the look in her eyes at all. He just knew that a single word from her could crush him. He felt more vulnerable than he ever had, the two of them existing in this little world where the liminal space between them was so small he could see only her. He felt the flimsy seal that had been containing his feelings for her get taken by the breeze. There was no going back now. The spell was broken when Sal's voice beckoned them back and they both turned to look at him.

"Now _that's_ how you kiss a woman Johnny"

* * *

 **AN:** Yaaaay! I'm so excited that I finally got Chapter 5 out! I hope you liked it. I know some of you have been waiting quite patiently for this certain event to happen already. Welp, I still have plenty more hi-jinks planned so don't go anywhere. Thanks so much for reading guys! I really appreciate it and I'm always excited to hear your feedback. 3

P.S. I kept listening to "Like Real People Do" by Hozier while editing the kiss scene. 10/10 do recommend.


	6. Chapter 6: Santiago - Room 203

**Chapter 6: Santiago – Room 203**

Amy felt dizzy. Hundreds of thoughts seemed to jam inside her brain all at once, cropping up conflicting emotions that tore her chest apart. On one hand, she was mortified at Sal for pushing them to this, but on the other hand, she was proud to have kept their cover so convincingly. A primal part of her was satisfied by the pleasant surprise of his lips, yet her sentimental side was sad that their first kiss was brought on by a perp pressuring them. Her logical side caused her to worry about how this turn of events would affect her relationship with Jake, while her stomach made her worry about up-chucking all over the deck. Yup, she was definitely getting sea-sick.

"Dora, sweetie, you feelin' okay?" Lucia asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm just feeling a little seasick" Amy said, starting to turn green.

"Maybe you two should call it a night" Sal suggested. Amy nodded, feeling queasier by the second.

"Yeah, let's go" she said as she leaned on Jake's arm. They were too far gone not to keep up the "love bird" charade and she was too weak to fight an internal struggle.

"Bye guys, have a good night" Jake said, waving goodbye as he led her to the sleeping quarters. Amy's head felt heavier with every step she took. She wondered if she'd even make it back to the room.

"Hey, Amy, how you doin'?" Jake asked with genuine concern in his voice.

"I'll be fine, I just want to lie down"

"I think the room's close" he said and Amy hoped he was right.

* * *

Mercifully, the room _was_ close. Jake quickly pulled the key-card from his wallet and opened the door. Amy made a b-line for the king bed in the back of the room, finally finding some salvation.

"Uuuuuuuuuugh" she moaned, her dizziness slowly fading. She saw Jake disappear into the bathroom and heard him ruffling through something. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. This was the last thing she needed right now.

A couple moments later Jake emerged from the bathroom holding a plastic cup of water and something else in his other hand. He sat on the bed.

"Hey, take this. You'll feel better" he said, handing her some Dramamine and the water. Amy sat herself up and took them gladly.

"Ugh, thanks. Where the hell did this come from? I was fine the whole night. Good thing that the bathroom is stalked with medicine though"

"Yeeeah, about that…you're gonna have to pay for that" Jake said, trying to make her smile. It worked.

"I'm glad we're such successful real estate agents" she said, a weak laugh escaping her.

"Oh, hey so good news: looks like a 'bell hop'," he said, using air quotes, "brought up our overnight bags. They're by the door"

"Ugh, good. I'm really gonna want my jammies tonight" Amy said, taking another sip of water.

"Couldn't agree with you more" Jake said as he walked towards his bag, already removing his jacket and tie. He grabbed some articles from his bag and disappeared into the bathroom.

Amy closed her eyes again and continued to control her breathing. She was definitely beginning to feel better. She longed for her sweatpants, but she dared not get up. She took in her surroundings. It was the same kind of room that the surveillance team set up, but it seemed much bigger without…all…the screens…showing footage…of the ship-

"Oh, _God_!" Oh, no, no, no" Amy said, quickly sitting up and shaking her head. This was a mistake and another wave of nausea passed over her. Jake heard her exclamations and rushed out, now changed into a loose t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. He must have been right in the middle of brushing his teeth because his mouth was full with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"Wha'? Wha' wron'?" he asked, concerned.

" _Jake!_ I just remembered, there are _cameras_ all over the ship"

"Fo?"

" _Jake_. There are cameras on the _deck_. Cameras being monitored by all of our _co-workers_ "

Jake stared dumb-founded as some of the toothpaste in his mouth dripped out and onto the carpet. He ran back to the bathroom and quickly rinsed, immediately coming back out to the bedroom.

"Do you think they-?"

"Of course they did! Jake, we were with the targets. Everyone was probably sitting around with popcorn and making bets" Amy said, panic rising in her voice. Jake's face twitched.

"Oh"

"Aaaauughhh!" Amy groaned as she promptly smothered herself with a pillow. This was mortifying. Everything about this weekend was absolutely mortifying.

"Hey, Amy"

"Aaaaaugh! What? Can't you see I'm wallowing in sorrow?" she asked. Jake sat on the bed and took her pillow shield away from her.

"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, okay? Looking back, I really shouldn't have let Sal get to me like that. I panicked" he said, looking genuinely ashamed of himself.

"What? No, Jake, honestly, what else could you have done? I certainly didn't know what else to do. We needed to keep the rapport we had established with the Tuftons and that was the only solution" Amy said. She believed the words as she said them. What else could they have done?

"I just…I just want you to know that I respect you-"

"I know that, Jake"

"I know, but-"

"Jake," she said, grabbing his wrist, "I trust you. We're gonna get that scumbag" Jake smiled at her and she felt calmer than she had all night. She just needed to keep reminding herself what she was here for.

Jake scanned the room from the bed, not finding what he was looking for. Amy saw a joke forming in his head as he looked at her.

"Well, well, well Santiago, it looks like there really is only one bed. Tonight must be your lucky night. First, I knock your socks off with the kiss of the century, and now, you might even get the chance to lose your v-card" this last comment earned him a well-deserved pillow-smack from Amy.

"Yeah, you _wish_!" She said, as she pummeled him with pillows, "you're gonna sleep in the tub!"

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, okay! Have mercy! Don't make me sleep in the tub. My back will be so stiff in the morning" he said, Amy slowing her pillow attacks.

"Maybe I _will_ let you sleep on the bed, but only if you admit I'm a better detective than you, and that you could never hope to be as smart as me"

"You're a _monster_ " Jake spat back, disgusted.

"Say it"

" _Never"_

"Fine, I hope you enjoy your tiny, fiberglass mattress then" she said, throwing the pillow at him. Jake's face scrunched up in a grimace.

"youreabetterdetectivethanmeandicouldneverhopetobeassmartasyou"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't quite hear you. What did you say?" she asked, cupping her ear and leaning towards him.

"Ugh! Fine, you're a better detective than me and I could never hope to be as smart as you, now scooch over" he said, now splaying himself so that he took over most of the bed.

"Oh, no, no, no you're going to stay all the way over on that side and I'm going to stay on this side" she said, pushing his shoulder. He promptly started snoring.

"No, Jaaaaaaake!" she said, shaking him. He started swatting her hands away.

"Five more minutes"

"Jake, I know you're not asleep"

"Yew knoh nahthin' Jahn Snew" Jake spit back at her, awaking from his "slumber".

"You're such a dork" she said, getting up and picking up her over-night bag. She was pleasantly surprised that her seasickness was waning.

After brushing her teeth, moisturizing, and changing into her pajamas (a black tank-top and a pair of comfy sweatpants) Amy came back into the bedroom to find Jake asleep under the covers. Well, at least he was only taking up his side. Amy pulled back the covers and wrapped herself in them. She made sure to sleep on her side, opposite of Jake and tried to put as much distance in-between them as possible. She hoped for sleep to come quickly, but she was unsurprised when it didn't. A memory from earlier in the evening plagued her thoughts. It was of a private discussion she and Lucia had while their respective "husbands" were getting drinks.

* * *

 _"Sweetie, that boy is so head-over-heels in love with you_ " _Lucia said, a sweet smile creeping on her lips. Amy didn't know how to respond to that._

 _"Oh, well…y'know he-we're married so-"_

 _"Still, you should see the way he looks at you when you aren't looking"_

 _"Oh, no! Not at all" Amy said, flailing her hands and her cheeks reddening._

 _"Deny it all you want, but I know what I see when I see it" Lucia said, her husband approaching the table._

* * *

What did she know? She thought Jake and Amy were actually Johnny and Dora. She had no idea what their actual relationship was. Sure, maybe they both had crushes on each other, but that's no big deal. There's no way Jake was in love with her. Lucia was completely off. Still, the memory set off a recounting of events from the entire night.

She thought of the kiss. She thought of how her heart was beating so fast she'd thought it would fly out of her chest. She thought about how sorry Jake looked when they both realized they had to go through with it. She thought about how he kissed her so tentatively at first, with care and respect. She thought about how she gave in, gripping the front of his shirt, pulling her closer to him, and unconsciously asking for more. She thought about how Jake accepting the request. She thought about how it felt like fire was dancing on her skin as he held her. She felt dizzy again.

Her cheeks turned scarlet as she became acutely aware of the body lying next to her. Crazy thoughts crossed her mind. All she had to do was reach out, stare into his eyes, and kiss him again. That's all she'd need to do to take their relationship to the next level. That's all it would take to be closer.

Amy didn't do that though. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath in, holding the covers close to her. She slowly began to drift off with a single thought sticking in her mind, a thought she wished she didn't have: she wanted more.

Amy was 85% still asleep. Her eyes weren't willing to work yet and neither was her brain. She tossed and turned in her bed, reaching for a pillow to put against her. Her searching was stopped when her body hit a warm wall of some sort. The wall was so warm and comforting that she involuntarily decided to wrap an arm around it. She felt even more comfortable when the wall wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She sighed as she sunk lower into the happy, warm, safe place she had found. Her logic and perception kicked back in when she heard the wall make a waking groan.

Her eyes snapped open and reality crashed in around her. She was Amy Santiago, on an undercover mission with her partner Jake Peralta. Jake Peralta had turned out to be the "wall" she was wrapped around and he was waking up. There was no time for escape because the disoriented, sleeping Jake crushed her closer to him. His daze seemed to wear off quickly because he pulled his head back and looked at Amy confused. The split second of eye contact was all took for them to separate violently in opposite directions.

"Ahhh! What?!" Jake said, still confused. They didn't have a chance to discuss it further because someone had started knocking on their door. They both headed for the door, Jake getting their first and opening it. Their guest was Charles Boyle, still dressed as a waiter and with a cart full of breakfast. He was smiling so hard, Amy thought his face might permanently get stuck that way.

"Roooom service" he said, far too jovially, "I hope you had _lovely_ evening" he laughed a weird, munchkin laugh. Amy mentally screamed.

"Why ya here, bud?" Jake asked, trying to deflect. Charles looked over both of his shoulders to make sure the hallways were clear and whispered:

"I have updates from the Captain, can I come in?"

"Yeah" Jake said as they both made room for Charles to come in with the cart.

"Charles, what did he say?" Amy asked.

"He says the operation is going well. We think Tufton definitely recorded the fake pin you used to get cash out. We think his next steps are to get your wallet, steal your credit cards, and then place the wallet back on you. We're hoping he'll do that today"

"We never made plans with them for today and we're going to be docking at four!" Amy said, panicking.

"Don't worry! The DiMagios have brunch reservations at The Saloon at 11:30 and we got you a reservation at the same time. Holt wants you to meet them and then, at some point, Jake, show him where you keep your wallet. We suspect that he'll find a way to take it from you. Once he takes the wallet, we can book him, but everyone wants you to stay in-character. They don't want to make the arrest until we've docked and gotten everyone off the boat, so we don't cause a panic" Charles said.

"Got it. Any other updates?" Jake asked. Charles pulled out a notepad to see if he had missed anything.

"Oh! Yeah, the Captain says 'impressive commitment'"

Amy groaned.

"So you _all_ watched it?"

"Multiple times. Scully and Hitchcock somehow found a way to play it on a loop on one of the screens"

" _What?!_ " Jake and Amy exclaimed together, outraged.

"Hey, if it's any consolation, you both look great. Like movie stars! I took a picture of it and it's my new home screen" he said as he showed the front of his phone that was decorated with a black and white aerial shot of their kiss. Amy seethed.

"Get out" she said, a very dangerous tone in her voice. This prompted Charles' immediate departure.

* * *

The two of them got ready for the day, making sure to keep their badges on them in case they were needed for the arrest. Amy continued to be in a bad mood as she put on her shoes. The events of this weekend were hard enough without the entire precinct laughing at them. Jake stood at the door, double checking he had his wallet.

"You ready?" He asked. Amy stood up and marched to the door, her eyes filled with angry determination.

"Let's get this son of a bitch"


	7. Chapter 7: Peralta - The Bait

**Chapter 7: Peralta – The Bait**

Jake followed behind the huffy Santiago in front of him. In all honesty, he couldn't really blame her for being upset. Holt wasn't kidding when he said this would be a hard case for them. Nothing had gone to plan, their awkward history kept slapping them in the face, and success was starting to become doubtful. He wanted to say something to Amy, but nothing helpful came to mind.

They spotted the DiMagios in front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated. Amy held out her hand to Jake.

"Hold my hand. Now"

"Oh-kaaaay. Did you and Rosa switch bodies when I wasn't looking?"

"God, I wish" she said, grabbing his hand, taking a deep breath, and putting on a fake smile Pennywise would have been afraid of. She darted right towards them with poor Jake in tow.

"Hey guys, good afternoon! Do you have reservations here too? Why don't we ask them to put our tables together?" Amy asked with a wild look in her eye.

"Well, good afternoon to you to sunshine. Yeah, sure, I'll tell the hostess right now" Sal said, flagging down the hostess (Rosa in her cover) and got their tables situated.

* * *

After their waitress took everyone's orders and brought the table a round of mimosas, Sal took a long, hard look at Amy.

"Y'know Dora, you seem really chipper this morning. Full of spice. Did you too have a _good_ morning?" Sal said, and Jake was tempted to punch him because he could tell Amy was at her limit.

"Why, yes Sal, we had copious amounts of sex. Thank you for noticing" she said with the most pseudo-saccharine smile and voice Jake had ever seen or heard. Jake laughed nervously.

"That's my Dora, saying crazy stuff when you least expect it" he said, still laughing. This prompted the DiMagios to laugh as well, which Jake used as an opportunity to give Amy a swift kick under the table.

" _Ow!_ " she whispered, glaring at him. Jake stared back at her and did his best to communicate to her to " _knock it off!_ "

She seemed to get the message because she suddenly looked guilty.

"Hey, do either of you happen to have a business card on ya? Lucia and I might be selling our house soon. It'd be great to get a realtor already" Sal said. Jake lit up.

" _He wants to see where I keep my wallet_ " he thought, pulling out his wallet.

"I'm not sure if I have any with me, but let me check," Jake said as he pretended to look for business cards, "Nope, sorry. I'll write down all the information for you though, as soon as we get a chance"

Jake put the wallet back in his jacket pocket, giving it a little tap for good measure.

"Perfect, always nice to do business with friends," Sal said smiling, "I'll be right back, gotta go to the little boy's room"

Sal got up and banged his hip against the side of the table Jake was on. This caused Jake's mimosa to spill all over him, his jacket catching most of it.

"Auughh!" Jake said, standing up and wiping the excess mimosa off. Sal grabbed a napkin off the table and began wiping Jake's shirt.

"Oh, Johnny, I'm so sorry buddy. My eyes ain't what they used to be" Sal said, fussing over Jake. Jake felt a gentle movement in his jacket pocket that he never would have noticed if he wasn't paying special attention. Jake was positive Sal just stole his wallet.

"Here, let me Sal" Amy said as she took the napkin away from him, put the napkin in Jake's water glass, and dabbed the jacket. Jake felt her quickly check the pocket that his wallet had been in and saw a small smile come across her face when she found it empty.

"You know, honey, we should probably go soak these clothes in the sink right away" she said.

"Yeah, you're probably right. We'll be right back guys, I want to change too" Jake said as he started to leave.

"I'm so sorry, Johnny. I am just the worst sort of klutz" Sal said.

"Nah, don't worry about it, it's fi-" Jake began to say, but was interrupted by a hard collision with a waiter carrying multiple entrees. Jake and the waiter hit each other so hard that they both fell back on their derrieres, the entrees flying back everywhere. The plates smashed spectacularly and the floor was covered in food. Jake felt blood trickle out of his nose.

"Geez Johnny-boy, you can _not_ catch a break today" Sal said, laughing. He came over to offer Jake a hand up, but stopped dead. Jake followed his gaze and spotted his police badge on the floor next to him, an unfortunate escapee from his pocket.

The sight of the badge made Sal act quickly. He grabbed at his ankle, revealing a small hand gun, and grabbed Amy with his massive arms, putting the gun to her temple. A woman screamed and Jake lost all trace of his good sense.

" _Amy!_ " he cried, an immediate wash of regret falling over him. This was so, so, so bad. He blew their cover!

"Amy, huh? You a pig too, princess? I always thought Dora was a weird name for you, Amy fits ya much better" Sal said in her ear. Amy face was contorted with rage, fear, and disgust.

"Look, Sal, no one needs to get hurt, just let her go" Jake said, pleading.

"What? And give up my leverage? No. She's stayin' right here with me," he said and begun to address the entire restaurant, "Alright everybody, listen up, this is how this is going to work: We're all going to enjoy the rest of our cruise and then, as soon as we dock, everyone is going to stay where they are and my wife and I are gonna leave here with _Amy_. Once we're far enough away, we'll let her go and everybody stays happy and breathin'. If I see any guns from any cops, don't think I'll hesitate in blowing her pretty little head off"

At this, Lucia immediately stood up and put her back against her husband's. With Amy's head in front of Sal's, no one would be able to get a clear shot. From the angle he was at, Jake could see Rosa with her gun behind a booth. He just needed to get Sal distracted for a second. If they just had a second, they could get the upper hand, but how? He thought it best to keep him talking.

"Okay Sal, we hear you. We'll do everything you ask, okay?"

"See, now you're talking sense Johnny-boy. That's probably not even you're real name. What is it, really?"

"Jake"

"Hmm, yeah that fits you a lot better too. Names are important, it's important that they fit," Sal said, now looking into the terrified faces of the crowd, "Now, ain't we having fun? So, _Amy_ , tell me, are you two really a couple?"

"No, we're not" Amy said, looking into Jake's eyes, trying to communicate something to him he didn't understand.

"Oh, boy you sure did fool me. So wait, when I was harping on ya to kiss, you-"

"Didn't want to because we actually find each other revolting and can barely stand to be in each other's presence, yes" Jake lied. This piece of news sent Sal into a fit of uproarious laughter. The gun slacked just enough for Amy to elbow him in the stomach, swiftly take the gun out of his hand, grab his arm, and throw him over her shoulder.

Amy stood over him with his own gun, while Rosa quickly came in and pointed her weapon at Lucia. Almost immediately, the entire squad came out of the wood work and arrested Stanley and Priscilla Tufton.

"Amy!" Jake said as he moved to her immediately, his voice in a register he didn't recognize.

"Jake" she said, as he wrapped his arms around her. She was shaking.

"I'm so, so, so sorry Amy"

"I'm okay, I'm okay. You were great, Jake. That was exactly what I needed to get the upper hand on him. We did it, Jake. We did it."

And they had. Stanley and Priscilla Tufton were both in cuffs, and everyone was safe. They had done it. They had done it, and yet Jake got no satisfaction from it. Instead, he was disgusted with himself. He had let his badge fall out of his pocket and he had said Amy's name, nearly getting her killed. Amy nearly _died_ because of _him_. He held her closer to him.

He would never forgive himself for this. He had let his feelings for her stop him from doing his job. That's when Jake realized the truth that had been dancing around him this entire weekend, the truth that made this assignment so hard, the truth that made him forget himself, and all the logic that made him a good cop:

He was in love with Amy Santiago.

* * *

 **AN:** Boy, this chapter was hard to write. I hope you liked it though :))))

We got one more left! Hopefully I'll get that out late tonight. I think I can do that.

btw thank you guys SO much for all the kind words. I see them and I just become a blushing idiot so thank you! And thank you so, so, so much for reading!


	8. Chapter 8: Santiago - Priority

**Chapter 8: Santiago – Priority**

It was 11:34pm at the 99th precinct and only three people remained in the detective's office. Captain Raymond Holt was in his office, finishing his paper work on the Tufton case. The two agents who went undercover for the case were also finishing up their accounts of the sting. Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta sat at their desks, back in their usual attire, working in silence. Neither of them looked up from their work until the Captain exited his office.

"Heading home?" Jake asked.

"Yes, and I advise you both to do the same. This can wait until the morning" Captain Holt said.

"Wow, Captain are you telling us to put off work?" Jake asked.

"Shocking, I know, but I think an exception is in order. You both had quite a day today" he said, as both Amy and Jake looked down at the floor.

"I want you to both know that you did exemplary work. You hit a few snags, but the measure of a great detective isn't in how few mistakes he makes, but how he handles those mistakes, or how _she_ handles them. You should both be proud"

"Thank you, Captain" Amy said, wishing she could bask in his praise like she normally would. His compliment was hard for her to accept this time around. It wasn't that she _wasn't_ proud of her work. She was actually really impressed with herself, but a stone weighed heavy on her heart. She looked at Jake, who still wasn't back to his goofy self yet, and realized this speech was more for Jake than it was for her.

"Yeah, thanks" Jake said, attempting a smile, "We'll be out of here soon, I'm almost done"

"Alright, get some rest you two" the Captain said, leaving the office. Amy and Jake both went back to work without a word to each other. The air felt so heavy and Amy didn't understand it. They won, didn't they? Sure, there was a scary moment there, but other than that, the case was a success! So, why did Jake look so miserable? She was afraid to ask. This kind of behavior was so out of character for him. She turned her attention back to her files in silence.

* * *

"Finished, finally" Jake said. Amy looked at the clock and a whole hour had gone by since the Captain had left.

"You should go home, you look exhausted"

"Are you going home soon?" he asked.

"Yeah, I don't have too much left" she said.

"Oh okay, I'll wait for you"

"No, please don't. Go home. I don't want you to wait for me"

"You sure?"

"Positive, thank you though. That's nice" she said, smiling at him. He smiled back and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"I'll see you tomorrow" he said.

"Bye" she said as he left the building. She watched his back as he left, a sinking feeling making home in her chest.

" _Don't go_ " she thought, without warning. The phrase burned itself in her brain. She didn't want him to go. _She didn't want him to go_.

Now, maybe it was some left over adrenaline from beating down a criminal, maybe she was appreciating how short life was after a near-death experience, or maybe she was just sick of lying to herself, but, for whatever reason, Amy ran out of her office. She ran as hard as she could down four flights of stairs, desperate to catch him. She had to do this _now._

She reached the parking lot and whipped her head in every direction, praying he hadn't left. She was about to give up when, out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Jake's figure by a couple of trees on a patch of grass.

"JAKE!" She yelled, running to his form, "JAKE!"

Jake had heard her, saw her running to him, and immediately dropped his bag on the ground. Amy made it to him, her breath labored

"Amy, what's wrong?" he asked with worry all over his face.

"Nothing…nothing...I'm fine," she said, her breathing starting to get back to normal, "I just really need to tell you something"

"What is it?"

"I need you to know that this is coming from me, Amy Santiago, to you, Jake Peralta. I need you to understand that, okay?"

"Uhhh oka-"

But he was too slow. Amy had grabbed his face and made their lips collide, so hard that Jake's back hit the tree he was standing behind. She kissed him without holding back, without boundaries, and without anyone telling them to do so. She kissed him because she couldn't deny the truth any longer. She was in love with him and goddammit, she was gonna show him. His hands found her back and they sunk deeper into each other, all hunger and want.

Amy only stopped because she wanted to look into his kind, bright eyes and then kiss him again. Their lips separated and she looked up at him. The warmth in his eyes made her knees weak, but she saw sadness there as well. It confused her. He put his hand on cheek, his thumb lightly grazing it.

"Amy…" he said. The sound of her name made her smile. This was right. This is what all the fuss was over. They had just been too stubborn to see, but now they had and she was so unbelievably happy.

"Amy, we _can't_ " he said and just like that, every good, sweet feeling she had dried up in her veins. She broke herself from him.

"What?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

"I'm so sorry, Amy"

"But, why? I thought you-"

"I _do_. I really, really do"

"Then, _why_?" she asked, tears starting in her eyes.

"Amy, I almost got you killed today"

"Jake, I'm _fine_ "

"But, you almost weren't and that was my fault"

"Mistakes happen, it's okay. Nobody blames you, except you"

"Amy, do you know why I messed up so bad? Why I said your name and ruined your cover?"

"Our cover was already compromi-"

"Because I care about you so much that I stopped caring about the _job_. I put your life and civilians lives in danger because I was too worried you'd be taken from me" he said, the most painful expression on his face.

"So, what do you suggest, then? That we just keep going to work, as if how we feel about each other doesn't exist? I don't know about you, but that hasn't been working out so great for me" she said, her throat catching on the oncoming tears. A new level of pain was expressed in Jake's face as he tried to find the words.

"Amy…" he said, still searching.

"What, Jake?" she asked, just wanting him to rip the band-aid off already.

"I'm going to put in a request for a new partner tomorrow" he said, the words crushing him. Amy's heart broke in a place she never believed to be fragile.

"Jake, _no_ "

"We have to, I can't work with you if I'm a danger to you and with the way I am now, I am. This is the last thing I want to do, Amy, believe me"

"Okay, _fine_ , so we get new partners. Then there's no reason we can't give this thing a shot, right?" she asked, a part of her hating herself for sounding so desperate. She was just so damned tired of wanting him, but not having him.

"Amy, I wish…I wish we could, but even if we're not partners, we still have to work together. We're already in too deep, if we go any deeper, my priority will always be 'keep Amy safe' instead of 'catch the bad guy'"

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself"

"I know. I know you are, but I don't think I am" he said. Amy knew that this was his final word. They couldn't be together if they both worked in the 99 and there was no way either of them would ask the other to leave. That was it then. Amy's eyes finally allowed the tears to fall.

"I'm going back to the office" she said with surprising steadiness.

"Let me walk you back" he offered.

"No, no, I'd like to be alone right now," she said, wiping away a tear, "Drive home safe, okay?"

He nodded and she walked back towards the office as she heard his car start. She didn't look back as she heard it leave the lot. It was the saddest sound she had ever heard.

She made her way back to the office, tears escaping her eyes slowly, but constantly. She didn't try to stop them. She had no energy for that. She walked up four flights of stairs, each step making the pit in her chest grow deeper and wider. She reached the office and took in the sight of it. She reminded herself that she loved her job and she loved her co-workers. The thought of them brought the tiniest comfort.

She sat down at her desk and got back to work.

THE END

* * *

 **AN:** I'm a fucking asshole. I'm sorry. No really, I apologize. Why did I do this? I hate this. But I also think this is my best written chapter...but literally why did I have to be such an asshole about it? Why can't I write happy things? Please feel free to berate me. I deserve it.

Okay, but seriously thank you *SO* much to everyone who read/bookmarked/kudoed/commented on this fic. I've been writing non-stop for like four days straight because I wanted to get this out to you, since you're all so great. I was really floored by everyone's kindness. Thank you, thank you!

Here's to hoping the finale is nothing like this and I'll see you guys soon! 3 3 3

P.S. I am actual trash.


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